UC招生官坦白局！原来他们对这种文书“一见倾心”
在由加州大学官方组织的UC顾问大会上，招生官总结了近几年申请人失败文书的3大致命陷阱和成功文书的3大特征，还分别提供了失败文书和成功文书的案例。在此之前，我们可以在UC申请倒计时之际，反问自己以下四点：
· 选题是否匹配和展现自己的优势？
· 文书的主角是不是自己？
· 是否展示了充分的细节？
· 文书是否表达了个人的深刻洞见？
UC失败文书三大陷阱
1、文书内容空洞，没有提供足够多的个人经历
2、过于关注文书的结构和形式，忽视了文书的内容
3、故事更多地聚焦在了他人身上而不是自己的经历
UC成功文书三大核心要素
1、文书的重点在于展现事件对学生的影响或学生对他人的影响
2、自己是文书的中心
3、提供具体的例子
成功的例子和失败的例子长什么样呢？我们来看看例子！
失败文书案例
先来看UC官方提供的一个失败的文书案例（UC第四题）：过分追求辞藻华丽，缺失具体细节。
文书要求：
Describe how you have taken advantage of a significant educational opportunity or worked to overcome an educational barrier you have faced.
描述你如何利用重要的教育机会或努力克服你所面临的教育障碍。
文书内容：
I've danced along the poverty line my whole life. The soothing melodies from a mother to her child as they drifted to sleep were mere dreams; realities you'd only see in the movies. Life was based on survival; sink or swim, one might say. Struggling to stay afloat in this ocean of a world, I quickly recognized that a comfortable life is a luxury that stands far out of my grasp.
Being forced out of touch with my infantile dreams and forced to come to grips with my reality brought along one of my greatest attributes: my fortitude. Living as the product of an immigrant mother and lower class father, my aspirations oftentimes felt out of my reach. My tolerance for the harsh world grew involuntarily; I was born into destitution, facing life's hardest battles was inevitable. The countless sleepless nights my parents spent in order to keep a roof over our head demonstrated their mettle to my younger self, a mettle I had to endow myself with too.
Just like the pale skin and singular dimple I inherited from my mother, I endeavored to grasp her strength. Both in and out of the classroom, I've possessed a deeper spirit than a great number of my peers due to the hardships I've faced. While it's difficult to stray away from the fixed mindset that tells me I cannot afford a better future, I pave the way for the life I've always dreamed of through my education. My exceptional tenacity encouraged me to take advanced placement courses that offer an advantage at a higher educational level. The extravagance of maintaining the successful life my parents could not afford excites me. Persevering through the austerity towards the sophisticated, serene lifestyle showcases my drive. Although I learned to survive off of the crumbs of society, the faith I hold for myself and my education push me closer to the elixir of the rapturous life I plan to lead.
我一生都在贫困线上跳舞。母亲在孩子熟睡时为他们唱的舒缓的旋律只是梦境，是电影里才会出现的现实。生活的基础是生存；可以说，要么沉沦，要么游泳。在这个汪洋大海中挣扎，我很快意识到，舒适的生活是一种奢侈，远远超出了我的掌握。
我被迫与稚嫩的梦想脱节，被迫面对现实，这给我带来了一个最大的特质：坚韧。我的母亲是移民，父亲是下层社会的人，生活在这样的环境中，我的理想常常变得遥不可及。我对残酷世界的承受力不由自主地增强了；我出生贫寒，面对生活中最艰难的战斗是不可避免的。为了维持生计，父母度过了无数个不眠之夜，这向年幼的我展示了他们的毅力，而我也必须具备这种毅力。
就像母亲遗传给我的苍白皮肤和酒窝一样，我也努力学习她的坚强。无论是在课堂上还是在课外，我都比许多同龄人拥有更深沉的精神，因为我曾面对过艰难困苦。虽然我很难摆脱固定思维模式的束缚，这种思维模式告诉我，我无法承担更美好的未来，但我通过教育为我梦寐以求的生活铺平了道路。我非凡的韧性鼓励我选修高级课程，这为我在更高的教育水平上提供了优势。维持父母无法负担的成功生活的奢望让我兴奋不已。在拮据的生活中坚持不懈地追求精致、宁静的生活方式，展现了我的魄力。虽然我学会了依靠社会的面包屑生存，但我对自己的信念和我所接受的教育促使我更接近我所计划的美好生活。
文书评价
这篇文书像一首优美的散文诗，描述他一直生活在贫困线上，不断尝试适应这个世界，并为在这个世界中探寻自己位置和梦想而奋斗。他努力克服困难，通过刻苦学习，提升自己，最终学会了在这个世界上生存。
为什么这样一篇辞藻华丽、句式优美的文书，成了UC招生官眼里的失败案例？因为学生只是泛泛地表白了自己的困境和克服了困难，却没有说明采取的具体行动和过程；提到了参与大学先修课，但没有展开回答如何利用这些资源来提升自己。整篇文章的写作更注重风格和结构，缺乏细节和画面感，自然没有代入感和说服力。
UC4是一篇很具挑战性的文书。如果想写曾经遇到的教育障碍，必须描写障碍是什么，而且需要细节来呈现克服困难和障碍的过程，其中用到了哪些个人特质或技能？克服障碍的这一经历怎样塑造了现在的你（洞见）？希望这篇失败文书案例能帮助同学们认真反省，引以为戒。
成功文书案例
再来看UC官方提供的一个成功的文书案例（UC第一题）：语言朴实，但是细节丰富，逻辑严谨。
文书要求：
Describe an example of a leadership experience in which you’ve positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes, or contributed to group efforts over time.
描述一个领导经历的例子，在这段经历中，你积极影响了他人，帮助解决了争端，或者随着时间的推移为团队努力做出了贡献。
文书内容：
In 2020, I founded an underwater robotics team in my garage. We invited friends from school and the math circle we ran. Some members had no experience with robotics and others had lots of experience, so I taught them by helping everyone build a land robot. In our second year, I reached out to more people in the community and grew our team from 10 to 22 members across 10 schools. We had seniors to middle schoolers on the team. I promoted returning members to lead the hardware, testing, and documentation teams. I led the software team where I taught Python, setting up Raspberry Pi computers, and streaming cameras. My mom knew someone whose nephew recently immigrated from Mexico and wanted to learn about robotics. I invited him to join the team and I walked him through setting up the robot. Now he teaches others how to set it up. When I give individual attention, people develop useful skills and pass those skills onto others.
On the competition day, we didn't tighten our electronics chamber and water shorted our entire electronics system! But we didn't mourn, we got straight to problem solving. The hardware leader unplugged and unscrewed the parts. I tested the computers and told members to grab working parts from last year's robot. My CoCEO calmed the team. In the middle of the repairs, we gave an award winning 15-minute engineering presentation to judges. We miraculously got the robot working in time for our second pool run and we placed third! I learned that to be an effective leader, I need to understand every team member's strengths and weaknesses. The hardware leader annoyed me because he started building without planning and made avoidable mistakes. But I appreciated his instant problem solving when we needed to rapidly rebuild our robot. Now that I know what he is good at, I can give him appropriate roles for his talents. I am using what I've learned to lead our team effectively by giving everyone the chance to use their best skills.
2020 年，我在自家车库里成立了水下机器人团队。我们邀请了学校和数学圈的朋友。有些成员没有机器人方面的经验，有些则有很多经验，所以我通过帮助每个人制作陆地机器人来教他们。第二年，我接触了社区里更多的人，团队成员从10人增加到22人，遍布10所学校。团队中既有高年级学生，也有初中生。我提拔回归的成员领导硬件、测试和文档团队。我领导软件团队，教授 Python、设置树莓派计算机和流媒体摄像头。我妈妈认识一个人，他的侄子最近从墨西哥移民过来，想学习机器人技术。我邀请他加入团队，并指导他安装机器人。现在，他还教别人如何设置机器人。当我给予个别关注时，人们就会发展出有用的技能，并将这些技能传授给其他人。
比赛当天，我们没有拧紧电子舱，导致整个电子系统进水短路！但我们没有悲伤，而是直接开始解决问题。硬件负责人拔掉了插头，拧下了零件。我对电脑进行了测试，并告诉队员们从去年的机器人上拿可用的部件。我的练习首xi执行官安抚了团队。在修理过程中，我们向评委做了 15 分钟的获奖工程演示。我们奇迹般地及时修好了机器人，并获得了第三名！我认识到，要成为一名有效的领dao者，我需要了解每个团队成员的长处和短处。硬件组组长让我很恼火，因为他在没有计划的情况下就开始制作，犯了一些本可以避免的错误。但我很欣赏他在我们需要快速重建机器人时立即解决问题的能力。现在，我知道了他的长处，就可以根据他的才能让他担任适当的角色。我正在利用我所学到的知识，让每个人都有机会发挥自己的特长，从而有效地领导我们的团队。
文书评价
这篇文书的语言朴实得近乎平淡，为什么成了UC招生官眼里的成功文书，获得了UCB（加州伯克利）的Offer？
因为UC招生官认为：所有UC文书的本质都是讲以自己为主角的故事（storytelling）。在这篇领导力文书中，学生讲述了自己创建机器人团队的经历。由最初的10人发展到了22人，教成员Python、设置Raspberry Pi等技能，并分享了如何克服团队在比赛中遇到的困难。这篇文书虽然朴实无华，但呈现了非常多的细节来展现学生具有的知识/技能，领导力，问题解决能力，以及对于不同群体的关怀。
