埃默里大学六篇优秀申请文书&招生官点评分享（五）-新东方前途出国

文书五：使用特性化描述来展示你的写作技巧

Essay题目：Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more?

I have to admit, when I first read the song title “Moanin'”, I thought it had certain innuendos.

“Are you serious right now?” I stare across the table at Parker, a six foot five eleventh grader with long red hair that cascades down his shoulders, a spoon in one hand and phone in the other, diligently playing World of Warcraft. He reminds me of a princess, in the weirdest way, he’s so…dainty. I always laugh thinking about the juxtaposition between his looks and his personality.

He rolls his eyes, delicately rests his spoon on the bowl of mac and cheese, places both of his hands on the table, and looks at me pointedly in exasperation.

“Yes. You have to listen to it. ‘Moanin” is the greatest jazz song to ever exist.” A piece of cheese flies off his lip and hits my face. I flinch internally.

“As if. Not that kind of song. I’m honestly disgusted, Parker.” He gasps in feigned shock, like we haven’t had this conversation 200 times before this moment and I try not to laugh.

“First of all, it’s not even about that. Second, you’re listening to it.” As he goes back to playing his game, I am left to ponder: How great could this song possibly be?

I know now that “Moanin'” by Art Blakey and the Jazz Messengers might just be the greatest jazz record to ever exist. When those drums hit after the first chorus, they hit different.

I’ve always known that I love jazz. However, it never occurred to me how difficult it was to explain until I was attacked with the question: “What’s so great about jazz?” Suddenly, I was speechless. Why am I so drawn to jazz? After all, I am originally a classically trained musician. But once jazz entered my life (in the form of the godlike, ethereal Kenny G), I’ve never been the same.

In an attempt to answer this question that plagued me, I began listing out all the traits about jazz that I love: its vibrance, unpredictability, ever-changing nature, spontaneity, and yet its ability to be soul wrenchingly emotional. Suddenly, the answer hit me like Art Blakey’s drum set on the opening chorus of “Moanin'”: I love jazz because jazz is me.

When I think of jazz, I think of colors. So many colors, like a thousand rainbows were poured into a blender, showered onto a page, and translated into music. I see that color in my personality. I’m vibrant and colorful, and sometimes expressive to the point where there are so many things happening at once it’s hard to take in. That’s how jazz is. I often find myself listening to the same jazz records over and over, discovering something new every time. I’m passionate and bold, I’m sassy like Lee Morgan’s trumpet solo on “‘Moanin'”. Jazz doesn’t apologize for what it is, it just is. Likewise, I’ve learned to be unapologetic in who I am.

Jazz is unpredictable and spontaneous. When flashes of inspiration come to me, I dance in my room until 2 AM on a school night, the adrenaline of doing something so extemporaneous is enough to keep me awake. Furthermore, as a jazz musician, I have developed a remarkable ability to adapt to rapidly changing circumstances.

But my favorite thing about jazz, and my favorite thing about myself, is that it is ever changing. I’ve always said that in jazz, you never play the same song twice. Who I am today is a product of years of changing, learning, growing and evolution. Like jazz, I don’t strive to be perfect, I just strive to be my most authentic self.

So why am I so drawn to jazz? I guess because I see it in myself, I hear myself in the way it’s played. That’s the beauty of finding music that fits you so well, it becomes you.

招生官点评

当我们花费数月时间阅读申请材料时，我们的团队试图在每个文字中看到人性。我们想了解我们的申请人，而申请的写作部分经常是我们可以做到最好的地方。由于作者写的是爵士乐，这个主题显然是真正感兴趣的，我们能够从这些文字中提取个性。作者风度翩翩，通过生动活泼的介绍，我们可以想象这个学生在我们的校园社区中。而且，在整篇文章中，作者的文笔细腻成熟，但依然坦率、脚踏实地。这篇文章读起来好像这个学生正在和我们说话，分享一个关于与同龄人对话的故事。

在文章的后半部分，作者将他们对爵士乐的热爱与他们的生活轶事融为一体。有时，学生的话题和他们的个性之间的类比可能让人觉得有些牵强。然而，在这里，作者的比较提供了对他们的习惯和想法的额外洞察。作者分享了申请材料中其他地方没有的信息，例如他们的自发性和真实性，更不用说他们对爵士音乐本身的兴趣。我们在论文中发现了这个申请人的兴趣，并且通过这样做，能够更全面地了解这个申请人。