埃默里大学六篇优秀申请文书&招生官点评分享（四）-新东方前途出国

文书四：诗歌和散文可以提升你的文书展现

Essay题目：Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you’ve already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.

ohHhh I uh umMm didn’t know

my aH parents n-never said they never tOld me

 how was I supposed to…he eventually dropped the

impersonation comes from the Latin words into & persona literally meaning into person. this man swallowed & spit back her strangled voice as if it was stuttered, cracked, unworthy of its words.

parents can be blamed for things,

 but teen girls can never accept responsibility he said.

maybe he thought my voice sounded like hers too & maybe that’s why I didn’t ask a single question even when he did. he asked every ethnic person there what country they were from & he said something like

driving is as dangerous as living in a war zone,

 no offense to the people from Syria in the back of the room

 I don’t know exactly, because I was whispering to

Kayleigh in the beginning was quiet. I whispered to her this is terrible because I could hear her small puffs of disbelief & I realized she was the only person in the room I trusted, not even myself, because I was smiling & laughing even when he made her come up as a voluntold & he said to her that he always picked on the heaviest girl in the class for this exercise, & when she spoke her voice shook & cracked & did you know that it was me? That I was the voluntold? that I was so ashamed of circumstance I pretended it was Kayleigh? it died before it really came out, my voice, which has done impossible things, stood tall in courtrooms, refused to melt by the fireside as my family debated politics, raised itself from the grave when it needed to at cheap shots, at poetry slams, at two faces, my voice, this incredible thing, was reduced to speaking in

whispers seemed to catch his eye so we stopped eventually. something about needing that certificate, something about the power he had, something about how the guy who couldn’t speak English was calm in the corner… then Kayleigh whispered Trump 2020; I stood up. I calmly told this instructor off, I told him that he was ignorant, that he was wrong, that a sixteen-year-old teen girl knew more than he did. I left the class because I was strong enough to do it. I did, I really

did you know that I stayed until the end without so much as a word of justice? did you know it would be so easy to lie on this page? I crumpled my name tag when leaving & he said something like thanks or it was a pleasure but I ran quickly before his words could lick my skin again. I didn’t play music from empowering female artists on the way home because I was scared their lyrics had changed. I ran to my room, unraveled in the closet, plugged my ears & whispered I’m not real over & over again listening to my body hack at itself & I wondered how many calories I’d burn by crying & I wondered why I wasn’t saying it is not real & then I realized I was the monster in my

own closet. I was handed this legacy of justice from every woman in history’s bruised ribs, from the pounding of every gavel’s demand, from the set of my mother’s jaw. this man, he had a bat that smacked out shame, but the blood I left on the carpet carried the rage of bloodlines; I

scream back.

招生官点评

文章提示的最后一句是“of your own design”，虽然提示直接允许学生提交和/或写自己选择的文章，但提示间接允许学生利用给定的空间进行创作。创造性写作和其他艺术作品一样，是由作者和读者共同决定的。有时这两个定义是一致的，而在另一些时候它们是相互竞争的，这是个人陈述的挑战之一；学生应该用创造性的形式写文章，比如诗歌、歌曲或上面的文章。每个学生都决定了他们个人陈述的创作风格和方向。你的文章传统上是用段落和散文写的吗？或者你写了一篇走在创作道路上的文章，冒着读者对这段旅程不熟悉的风险？让我明确一点：这个问题没有正确或错误的答案。也就是说，在我为这篇文章写反馈的时候，创作方向对这个学生很有效。我们很少读这种文体的文章，虽然有风险，但却相当令人耳目一新，发人深省。如果你的文章风格是真实的，那就值得冒险。

这篇文章我读了很多遍，每次都有新发现。有时，我会找到前面问题的答案。其他时候，我被留给更多的问题，虽然在一个好奇的方式，而不是作家的批评。作为一个例子，我仍然在思考在文章中定义“模仿”的目的。在这篇文章中，作者是不是在模仿某人，也许是他们自己？或者这个选择只是为了给说教者增加一层额外的特征？在文体上与众不同的是，这种个人陈述让你对逗号、符号和缺少大写的标点符号（或缺少标点符号）背后的意向性感到疑惑。从一个词组到另一个词组的移动微妙地允许时间流逝，每一个思想都以另一个开始而结束。这个学生打算利用埃默里大学广受好评的创意写作课程。知道了这一点，思考的风格和表达方式会产生真诚的兴奋，思考这个学生下一步会做什么。

这种个人陈述值得多次推敲，重点是它的风格和内容。学生的个人陈述是围绕着自我宣传的一刻展开的，是对女性赋权的反思，也可能是对青少年焦虑的反思。这个话题被用作更好地了解学生的工具。被认为是软弱和不负责任的学生，这篇文章展示了他们的行动和语言的勇气和使用自己的声音的力量。对话的使用并没有破坏个人陈述的流畅性，相反，它有助于性别歧视和可能的仇外心理的整体人格化。

这种非正统的方法可能不是每个人都喜欢的风格。但是，归根结底，个人陈述对作者来说应该是个人的、真实的，而不是为了安抚读者而写的。另外，这篇文章立刻引起了你的注意，不是吗？