约翰霍普金斯大学本科招生优秀文书案例-新东方前途出国

“Entropy is the property that provides the basis for the second law of thermodynamics, which states that the universe naturally gravitates toward disorder. Its explanation comes from the idea that the universe prefers to conserve energy; because energy must be put into organization, everything around us is constantly descending into an increasingly complex state of chaos. Cheerful, I know. While it may seem like a concept worth forgetting – especially with its conviction about an imminent “universal heat death” – entropy has taught me far more outside of the classroom than in it.  （本段引入熵的概念：文章以对熵的解释开始，为读者提供了对后续内容的基本理解。作者解释了熵作为热力学第二定律的基础，并以一种风趣的方式介绍了这一概念。这个hook很吸引人，也看得出来作者对学术专业术语的了解较深入）

I, unlike the universe, have never been a very big fan of disorder. Admittedly, I worship the planner in my backpack, hate it when I have more than three unread emails, and am the designated pantry organizer of my household. I arrive dependably at school every morning half an hour early and have mastered the art of Marie Kondo’s file folding for each of my closet drawers. I have fallen in love with the idea of becoming a surgeon to dedicate my career to putting back together what has been broken –ordering the disorderly– and every organizational habit I have developed has been a microcosm of that passion. （个人经历与熵的联系：作者将熵的概念与自己的生活经历联系起来，表达了对有序和混乱的态度。通过自己对有序的偏爱和对熵的理解，作者展示了对复杂性和不确定性的认识。）

However, life is often more unpredictable than might allow a color-coded spreadsheet to double as a crystal ball. When I am faced with a group discussion in which conflicting ideas create more questions than answers, or when I am rushing from track practice to a robotics meeting, worried about when to fit my homework in, I remind myself of the importance of entropy. 

For a system to be considered at equilibrium, entropy must actually be at its maximum. In order to be stable, everything must be marginally out of control. This applies just as much to life as it does to chemistry. The best stories I’ve written didn’t start with an outline, but with random phrases I’d jotted down in a notebook in a moment of epiphany. My favorite chemistry labs were exponentially disastrous as they progressed, teaching me more about error analysis than acids and bases. My most memorable class periods were the ones that started with a lesson plan but followed the curiosity of the class, taking us anywhere from the taxonomy of mermaids to hiking horror stories.

Entropy is also a measure of the changes in the status quo of a system. The more unpredictable the outcome of a reaction, the higher its entropy value. Although I love my orderly desktop and preprepared Spotify playlists for any mood, I embrace copious entropy and all that it represents, because I, too, want to be the unexpected in a world that expects the status quo. I want to defy predictions and make world-changing discoveries, increasing my entropy as my impact tends limitlessly towards infinity. Though I don’t expect it to be easy and may occasionally enlist the help of my planner and about a million colored pens, I take comfort in knowing that my intention to excel as a woman in STEM and a young adult dystopian novelist pleases the universe. （第三至第五段写对熵的理解与应用：作者通过举例说明了对熵的理解如何影响自己的生活和学习。从学术课程到个人写作，作者展示了对于混乱和不确定性的接纳，并认识到这些对于创造力和成长的重要性。）

A high entropy value increases the chance for both failure and success; it is both the natural way of the world and the primary supplier of chaos. I welcome both with open arms, though chaos and failure still scare me. Now, when I am the only one in my class with a particular opinion on our book or am stressed about the caveats of a busy schedule, I take a deep breath and recognize the potential to thrive in it. I am supposed to exist in chaos. I can venture into uncharted territory and comfortably embrace the positive that lies in the unknown, sure that when that entropic feeling inexorably takes over and life gets messy, I’ll be ready. To feel out of control is not the end of the world, but the natural state of it.”  （对未来的展望：文章最后以对未来的展望结束，表达了对于接纳不确定性和追求变革的渴望。作者希望成为一个在变革中不断进步的人，并愿意面对失败和挑战，以实现自己的目标。）

（本篇文书引自JHU官网公开文书，不涉及抄袭侵权）

招生官评价：

Ellie’s essay skillfully uses the topic of entropy as an extended metaphor. Through it, we see reflections about who they are and who they aspire to be. Many students write about a future they hope to achieve, such as a major, career, impact, or lifestyle. While that may tell us something about who they are, these types of essays often use that desired outcome as the thesis and not as a means for us to understand who the applicant truly is. Ellie’s essay tells us some of those desired outcomes without sacrificing self-reflection in the process. We learn a lot about who they are throughout this metaphor: their willingness to learn from mistakes, accept the unpredictable, and push the status quo. These are traits that drive Ellie and ultimately allow us to know them on a deeper level and see how strong of a match they are for the Hopkins community. （译文：艾莉的文章巧妙地运用了熵这一主题作为延伸的隐喻。通过它，我们看到了关于他们是谁以及他们渴望成为谁的反思。许多学生写作关于他们希望实现的未来，比如专业、职业、影响力或生活方式。虽然这可能告诉我们一些关于他们是谁的信息，但这些类型的文章通常将期望的结果作为论点，而不是作为我们了解申请人真实身份的手段。艾莉的文章告诉了我们一些这些期望的结果，而不会在这个过程中牺牲自我反思。通过这个隐喻，我们了解了他们是谁：他们愿意从错误中学习，接受不可预测性，并推动现状。这些是驱使艾莉的特质，最终让我们能够更深入地了解他们，并看到他们与霍普金斯社区的匹配有多么强大。）

小编对本篇文章的评价：

这篇文章写得好的原因包括：

• 生动的比喻：作者巧妙地使用了熵作为比喻，将复杂的概念与个人经历联系起来，使得文章更加生动有趣。
• 个人化的表达：作者以自己的经历和观点为基础，展示了对于熵的理解和应用，使得文章更具有说服力和感染力。
• 清晰的逻辑结构：文章的结构清晰，内容有条理，读者可以很容易地跟随作者的思路理解文章的主旨和观点。
• 深刻的思考：作者对于熵的理解不仅停留在学术层面，还深入思考了其在个人生活和社会中的意义，表现出了对于复杂问题的深刻思考和洞察力。