美国留学文书,如何写才能脱颖而出(五)?
美国留学申请,考试成绩仅仅是选择入读学生的硬性标准之一,招生官还会看申请者的软性背景,如学习能力、知识技能、活动经历、科研背景等。而这些信息通常都会在留学申请文书中体现。
文书是软性背景的重中之重,体现性格能力和个人经历。新颖的取材、精心设计的开头、文章的画面感、别出心裁的文体、感人的情节都是我们可以展现的亮点。除Common系统之外,申请加州大学会通过UC系统来递交文书,要求学生在八个题目中,选出四个题目写出350词的小文书。有一位录取到加州洛杉矶的同学的领导力文书写得非常出色,简洁而又力度,我们来看下下面的段落。
After a trip to local schools in Tianlin Village, Sichuan, China, I realized that the widening income gap between flourishing cities and remote areas might be one of the root causes of educational disparities. Having discovered the unequal distrbuton of English education resources in primary schools. I initiated Project Vox to improve Tianjin City’s resource distribution. (在访问了中国四川天林村的当地学校后,我意识到,繁荣的城市和偏远地区之间日益扩大的收入差距,可能是教育差距的根源之一。我发现小学英语教育资源分布不均,于是发起了Vox项目,以改善天津市的资源配置。)
首段开门见山。指出自己看到的教育地区差距,启发自己开展行动来改进本市的教育不公现象,发起了Vox项目改变现状。
Vox started in September 2018, I organized a Movie night and a donation session and collected over 2000 RMB in profits and 100 English books Promoting Vox in Tianjin City. I cooperated with and donated profits and books to Nankai Xiangyu School and Hedong Center School, and held teaching sessions there every two weeks for one year. Attracting kids’ attention was challenging. During the last session, I analyzed a piece of news in English. Unfortunately, only one girl paid attention and actively looked words up, and the rest flew paper planes I reckoned that kids’ vocabulary might be limited and decided to cater to their nature, letting them collaborate with peers and have fun. Every following session is different, ranging from the debate of birth order of hens and eggs, role play of Little Red Riding Hood, poetry reading, verbal discussions about impressions towards the peers, games to spell words and drama adaptations. I accompanied them from winter to fall, taking pride in the fantastic growth in English literacy. During the last week I invited ten scholars to experience native English-learning environments in my high school.(Vox始于2018年9月,我组织了一场电影之夜和一场捐赠活动,募集了2000余元的利润和100本英语书籍在天津推广Vox。我与南开翔宇学校和河东中心学校合作,捐赠金钱和书籍,并在那里每两周进行一次授课,持续了一年。吸引孩子们注意力很有挑战性。上节课,我用英语分析了一条新闻。不幸的是,只有一个女孩注意听讲,并且积极查找单词,其余的都在玩纸飞机。我认为孩子们词汇量可能有限,于是决定迎合他们的天性,让他们与同龄人一起玩耍。接下来的我设计的每一个环节都是与众不同,辩论先有母鸡还是先有鸡蛋、扮演小红帽、朗诵诗歌、讨论对同龄人的印象、玩拼单词游戏和改编戏剧。我陪着他们从冬天到秋天,看到他们英语读写能力飞速提升,感到非常自豪。上周,我邀请了十位学者在我的高中体验母语英语学习。)
作者落实了Vox活动,用数字展示了自己的工作成果,非常具体直观。其中,在他开始教学活动时,也遇到一些阻力,作者设身处地想出一些有趣的办法解决问题,这些例子使文章情节曲折有趣,也形象地展示了他的领导力。
接下来,作者继续推广发扬自己的项目,将这个项目做成线上平台Aca Dream,继续分享自己的英语教学策略,还通过Q&A来回答其他人的疑问。吸引了数千名学生访问线上平台。也因此获得了国家的教育表彰。
整篇文章语言平实有力,陈述了作者的影响力,又在侧面突出文章主题。例如:3114 pupils participated and improved their English skills through my projects, which won an Outstanding Award of Learning in GSL and National Third Award in CTB, respectively. (3114名学生参与了我的项目,并通过我的项目提高了他们的英语水平,分别获得了GSL学习优秀奖和CTB国家三等奖。) 文章的结尾,也总结了自己想要通过自己的领导力改善教育不公平,首尾呼应。
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