17岁的非裔少年，夸西(KwasiEnin)就读于纽约长岛的威廉弗洛伊德高中，在SAT(美国高中生能力测试)中取得了2250的高分(而该考试总分为2400)，向常春藤8大名校提交申请，希望能够到其中一所就读。然而令夸西万万没想到的是，凭着一篇优秀的申请essay，被8所常春藤盟校同时录取，创下一段佳话。
我们一起来看看这篇神作，到底写的好在哪里？也可作为同学们essay的参考。
音乐人生（中文翻译）
错误的决定会是另一种生活模式的开端。7年级的时候，我差点就要结束我的音乐学习生涯。幸运的是我选择了正确的方向。如果当时放弃了音乐，我的心灵将会沉浸在空虚之中（这个是铺垫。。。请注意，这真的是铺垫）。那年，我遇到了我的管弦老师——布朗女士，我不仅跟着她学习了简单的音乐知识，还为现在的音乐生涯打下了坚实的基础。如今，我已经成为了一名中级提琴演奏者，快乐得演奏了9年，音乐融入到我的生命之中。音乐是我人生中第一门自学的课程，并一直伴随我成长。
音乐激发了我浓浓的求知欲。无限的乐谱开发了我创造性的思维方式。音调、和弦、旋律、节奏可以组合成无限种的乐曲，让我的思维变得灵活。我懂得用巧妙的方式来解数学题（学霸的世界我们不懂）。用合适的语言来回答语文题，从不受欢迎变得受欢迎。在中学，我能在音乐中自由飞翔。演奏不同的乐曲，比如布鲁赫的《科尔尼德莱》和贝多芬的《科里奥兰序曲》，增长了我的音乐知识，提高了我的演奏技巧，为今后成功的独奏奠定了基础。
音乐使我融入了社会之中。当我有机会在舞台上表演喜爱的音乐剧，我的歌声和舞蹈使得音乐氛围弥漫在学校礼堂。无论是作为一名男低音歌手，或是中提琴演奏者，我不可自拔的沉浸在与观众的心灵交流中，渐渐迷失在这种氛围中，真是喜悦的记忆片段。我相信我是社会文化的一部分，是社会历史的一部分。如果没被音乐的魅力所征服，我就不会站在学校、城市、州的舞台上进行表演，就无法赢得老师和朋友的欣赏。
最后，音乐是我的恩师，让我明白领导能力、团队合作和友情的重要性，音乐告诉我，秩序和平衡很重要，当我带领一个团队的时候（Leadership能力的无缝嵌入啊有木有），我牢记每一个成员全身心的付出，感知团队的力量是无穷的。领导别人并不意味着指挥别人，而应该协调好队员之间的关系，使大家都发挥出最大的潜能。一个团队，只有不断进步，团队和谐，最后才能成功。音乐告诉了我这些优良品质。团队合作帮助我应对在校期间的困难，团队合作让我和我的朋友完成了高难度的乐曲。再次，我要感谢我的老师，感谢我的中提琴。给予我一个充满友情的生活环境，给予我良好的学习机会。
对我来说，一个充满作曲家、和谐和无限可能的世界史安抚心灵的港湾。我的音乐世界塑造了我的性格，如果没有它，生活将不及现在一半的好。这都归功于那一年我做的正确的决定，音乐伴随我成长，每天带来新的思想，新的活力。我的心灵每天都在歌唱，因为人生旅程如此美好。我希望以后能在医学领域工作，所以要学习的地方还有很多。我要从音乐的世界中汲取经验，帮助自己完成这个梦想。
A Life In Music（原版essay）
Kwasi Enin
A wrong decision can be beginning orend to lifestyle. In the seventh grade, I nearly ended my music career by opting to select a simple course-music in OUR LIVES-that met the state music requirement. But this decision would have left me empty. With the help of Ms.Brown, my then orchestra teacher was able to not only meet the basic requirement, but also continue the beginning of my musical journey. I am now aviolist who has joyously played for nine years. I also now take music in mylife. It is the first self-taught-and the longest-course I have ever taken.
Music has become the spark of my intellectual curiosity. I directly develop my capacity to think creative lyaround problems due to the infinite possibilities in music, there are millions of combination of signatures, chords melodies, and rhythms in the world of music that wait to become attached to a sheet of staff lines and spaces. As I began to explore a minute’s fraction of these combination from the third grade onwards, my mind began to formulate round about methods to solve anymathematical problem, address any literature prompt, and discover any exit in an undesirable situation. In middle school, my mind also started to become adept in the language of music. Playing the works of different composers, such as Kol Niderei by Max Bruch and coronal overture by Ludwig Van Beethoven, expands my diverse musical vocabulary, my breadth of technical and my ability to practice in order to succeed in solo performance.
Music has also become the medium for my roles in the community. While onstage as Big Jule of Guys and Dolls during my favorite musical, l helped create a wonderful atmosphere in the school auditorium by singing and dancing. Whenever I perform, whether as a bassist in Men’s Doo Wop Group or as a violist in Chamber Ensemble, I become immersed in the conversations between performers and the audience. As I become lost in these conversation, I create blissful memories in which I am truly part of my community’s culture-and eventually its history would not have the admiration of my teachers and friends if I had not let the charisma of music persuade me to become a performer in my school, town, and state.
Lastly, music has become the educators that has taught me the important of leadership, teamwork and friendship. It has taught me the importance of order and balance. When I lead a group how strong that group can be if every number put one hundred percent effort into our task.Leadership is not always about directing others. The most important task of a leader is to create harmony between each member of group, which reveals the group’s maximum potential. With improvement and school years endures through stress. These powerful bonds came to be because my friends and I endured against the adversity found in the high level pieces of musical literature. Thank my teachers, viola and voice for creating the environments that nurtured these friendships and learning experiences.
My haven for solace in and away from home is in the world of composers, harmonies and possibilities. My musical haven has shaped my character and without it, my life would not be half as wonderful as it is today. It was a wise decision to turn down the course musicin our Lives. The self- guided journey known as music in my life excites my mind every day. My heart sings every day because the journey is already wonderful. Although I hope that my future career is in the medicine love that I still have much to learn about and from the world of music.
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