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    前ETS考官“软文”指点秋季托福写作

    2014-08-21 来源:

            各位同学:
        大家好!
        作为一个月一次的校长软文又和大家如期见面了。我作为曾经ETS 写作考官之一,始终对于网上流传的“满分样文”持保守赞同的态度。记得在上个月,我特此写了一篇软文给大家并且附上一篇可以获得5分的独立写作片段。
        忙碌的暑假即将结束,秋季我们又有了新的开始。托福考试,你准备好了吗?为了帮助大家攻克托福写作,这次我们一起聊聊八九月份预测题目里面的一道考题、重温满分的写作要求,为大家的考前准备加把力!
        题目:Do you agree or disagree: the effective leaders try to make others feel they have been part of a decision-making。
        看到这道考题,大家有什么思路吗?
        这位同学说:题目没错啊,因为这样做可以让同事有归属感,更加热爱企业!还有这位同学回应:我觉得题目有问题,员工怎么可以和领导一起商量事情呢?毕竟员工懂得不多啊。大家看,这些观点都在围绕“员工要不要参与做决定”这个议题展开论述。你们觉得切题吗?别忘记,我们考官首先要看的评分要求是“effectively address the topic”。
        仔细阅读题目的同学会发现,这道题目的“核心议题”是让员工参与做决定是不是可以证实领导管理是有效的。也就是说,我们论述的着眼点应该在“领导有效管理”和“员工参与决策”之间展开。那么,我们快看看考官是如何展开的吧!
        考官满分样文(部分中间段落)
        In the realm of schooling, we convincingly claim that the principals of high schools or private colleges are suggested to be familiarized with the perspectives from the teaching staffs when making educational decisions, since this can ensure a more effective management in fundamental education。(这是作者的分论点:在教育领域来看的话,题目的说法没有错误的) A good example to start out is about how a wise decision on English classes is made(你们能学会这句话的语法结构吗?想想你们写作是如何引出例子的?难道只有一个for example吗?): if a principal expects to re-structure the courses being taught in the school, all the concerned English teachers ought to participate, since these teachers can offer invaluable suggestions to ameliorate the course-plans processes. The suggestions they pose may vary, ranging from how to successfully balance the time used for both listening section and reading comprehension and how to effectively help the students to memorize the words to how to wisely select the most appropriate textbooks for students at different ages. In this sense, with the aim at applicably managing the schools, the leaders should let the teaching staffs actively join in the processes of varied meetings。
        大家看完后,你是否可以理解什么叫做“论述充分”呢?此外,这个例子作者并没有指出具体的名字,也就是说,在托福考试里面,我们可以泛指一类人或者一类事情。这种举例叫做“虚拟性事实”。这点是被ETS写作考官认可的。好,我们接着读:
        Another, when taking the business field into account, we also advocate the general managers ought to entitle the colleagues or subordinates to be a part in the decision-making, due to a more streamlined implementation of commercial decisions。(这是作者的第二个分论点。大家和第一个比较一下,两者之间什么关系?) if a working staff is allowed to participate into the process of corporate decisions, he or she can actively voice opinions towards the issues being debated, which means these personal ideas may be widely heard or even adopted into the final decisions. In this sense, the concerned colleagues in the meeting will thus believe that all the businesses strategies and policies are made involving them. Put it this way, the forthcoming application is free from contrived or deliberate interruptions and even the denial from the “grassroots” in the corporation。(这个写作过程叫做原因推理:进一步分析为什么在商业机构中员工参与会让我们的决定贯彻更加顺畅) For example, since the fall of 1995, the Lenovo, one of the giant corporations producing electronic devices in the globe, has been permitting all the directly related departments of colleagues to attend the conferences discussing thinkpad X series-designing. You can easily imagine that this brand-new slim design, the business-style with black-colored cover, has been widely welcomed by the workers and assemblers。(列举具体事例证实前文的原因推理)。
        这段话论证的特点在于:作者首先对分论点成立的原因进行分析,之后再列举真实的案例去证实。这也是大家写文章一般需要采取的段落构架。我这里需要提示一点:很多同学喜欢按照中国传统作文的要求,将例子写成故事,或者是大家所讲的“流水账”。看似字数很多,其实往往证明力不足。此外,如果我们只是善于“写例子”而不是学会“例证”,那么不仅我们的托福写作成绩不会很理想,出国之后的议论文也成问题。像这段话中,如果我们删除其中的“原因推理”部分而直接用联想集团做为例子去写“故事”,那么说服力会大大减少。
        在教学当中,我听到过如下的理解:托福写作只看语言,只要大家句子长、结构复杂,一定是高分!我真不知道这个观点是从何谈起,也不知道这位仁兄是否真正的阅过卷。托福写作是有机器阅卷一说,但是这并不意味着评分只看词汇和句法结构。我们很难想象一个句子长、内容重复且乏味,类似于连篇累牍的文章会让人读起来津津有味而给予高分的怪异现象。托福写作需要大家完成的是一篇结构完整、论证充分的“议论文”,所以我们还是先学习论证的结构和何为“论证具有说服力”去着手准备会更合适。
        秋季一定是大家投入考试学习的黄金时段。写作又是任何国外考试所不能回避的一个科目。下次,我会和你们一起谈谈托福写作和GRE写作之间的关系,比如:GRE写作一定和托福写作完全不一样吗?按照托福写作的思路去完成GRE可以吗?这些问题不说大家真是不知道,甚至是被误导的。
        感谢你们!
        祝你们备考顺利!

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