【沈阳留学】2022年哈佛大学新生文书（四）-新东方前途出国

四、Taras' Essay

Successful Harvard Essay: More Boluses to Dissect

Finally, I had found a volunteer opportunity at the Long Marine Lab, a marine biology research facility at UC Santa Cruz! I envisioned swimming with dolphins, or perhaps studying behavioral patterns of decorator crabs. But when I discovered the nature of my work on the first day of volunteering, my excitement turned to disappointment: I’d be picking through albatross boluses, the indigestible materials they cough up before going to sea. Sure enough, after three hours of separating fishing line from brown muck, I began to dread what I was in for. At that point, I had no clue of just how interesting the opportunity would turn out to be, and it would remind me of how easily I become engrossed and fascinated by all sorts of random stuff.

It didn’t take long for my boredom with the boluses to shift toward curiosity. In the first place, the project itself was fascinating. The idea was to research the behavior and diet of albatrosses at sea. These birds can fly for months without touching land! When the birds have chicks, they cough up whatever they’ve eaten at sea to feed their young. When the chicks become old enough to fly, they cough up the hard, indigestible materials left in their stomachs. These boluses contain squid beaks that can reveal the types of squid eaten and the area where the squid were caught. We volunteers would pick through the boluses, separating out anything that looked interesting.

As I got better at dissecting these blobs, I started finding crazy stuff, and my colleagues and I would often discuss important findings. There was, of course, the search for the biggest squid beak, and the fish eyes were always interesting. But most shocking was the plastic. Beyond the normal Styrofoam and fishing line were plastic bottle caps, lighters, even toothbrushes. Occasionally, Asian writing revealed distant origins. Once, I picked through a bolus permeated with orange goo, eventually to discover the round mouthpiece of a balloon. The origins of these artifacts were sad, but also fascinating. I learned of the Texas-sized trash heap in the middle of the Pacific, the effects of which I was witnessing firsthand. I gained a heightened awareness of the damage inflicted on the oceans by humans, and their far-reaching impacts. Perhaps most importantly, I realized that even the most tedious things can blow my mind.

If dissecting boluses can be so interesting, imagine the things I’ve yet to discover! I play piano and can see myself dedicating my life to the instrument, but I can’t bear to think of everything else I’d have to miss. I’d love to study albatrosses, but also particle physics or history, and preferably all three. At this point in my life, I can’t imagine picking just one area. At the same time, though, I love studying subjects in depth. I tend to get overwhelmed by my options, since I can’t possibly choose them all. But at least I know I’ll never be bored in life: there are just too many subjects to learn about, books to read, pieces to play, albatrosses to save, and boluses to dissect.

专家点评

这篇文章第一段的区别在于情感上的诚实：Taras承认“兴奋变成了失望”，以及他“不知道”机会会如何发展。很多时候，申请者没有意识到招生官只是阅读文书的普通人——他们也会经历一系列情绪，比如失望和困惑。虽然许多申请者写的文章充满细节和最高级，但情感上的诚实是一篇优秀论文的关键组成部分。

此外，在一个简单但重要的层面上，他在第一句话中就提到了他的研究是在 Long Marine Lab 的志愿者机会。太多的申请者试图让读者保持悬念，而事实上，为体验提供背景总是更好。招生官不想让他们觉得他们正在破译看似平凡的人、事、时、地。没有人有时间破解一篇文章。

接下来，Taras通过分享他的工作的有趣细节，例如了解丸剂，成功地清楚地展示了他对研究的真诚热情。无论是写鸟类、模拟联合国还是任何其他可能的主题，细节都是帮助申请人向招生委员会展示智力活力的关键。

虽然一篇充满活力的文章因其独特的主题而吸引了读者的注意力，但有些方面还可以改进。例如，感叹号对许多读者来说可能是一种人为的热情，会使一篇文章失去一些礼仪。此外，在最后一段中，Taras提到了粒子物理学和历史作为可能的兴趣，这与论文不符（并且可能会损害入学机会最终“塑造”即将到来的课程）。