【沈阳留学】2022年哈佛大学新生文书(二)-新东方前途出国

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    【沈阳留学】2022年哈佛大学新生文书(二)

    2022-08-12

    二、Eda's Essay

     

    Successful Harvard Essay: Homeless for Thirteen Years

     

    I sat on my parents’ bed weeping with my head resting on my knees. “Why did you have to do that to me? Why did you have to show me the house and then take it away from me?” Hopelessly, I found myself praying to God realizing it was my last resort.

     

    For years, my family and I found ourselves moving from country to country in hopes of a better future. Factors, such as war and lack of academic opportunities, led my parents to pack their bags and embark on a new journey for our family around the world. Our arduous journey first began in Kuçovë, Albania, then Athens, Greece, and then eventually, Boston, Massachusetts. Throughout those years, although my family always had a roof over our heads, I never had a place I could call “home.”

     

    That night that I prayed to God, my mind raced back to the night I was clicking the delete button on my e-mails, but suddenly stopped when I came upon a listing of the house. It was September 22, 2007 —eight years exactly to the day that my family and I had moved to the United States. Instantly, I knew that it was fate that was bringing this house to me. I remembered visiting that yellow house the next day with my parents and falling in love with it. However, I also remembered the heartbreaking phone call I received later on that week saying that the owners had chosen another family’s offer.

     

    A week after I had prayed to God, I had given up any hopes of my family buying the house. One day after school, I unlocked the door to our one-bedroom apartment and walked over to the telephone only to see it flashing a red light. I clicked PLAY and unexpectedly heard the voice of our real estate agent. “Eda!” she said joyfully. “The deal fell through with the other family—the house is yours! Call me back immediately to get started on the papers.” For a moment, I stood agape and kept replaying the words in my head. Was this really happening to me? Was my dream of owning a home finally coming true?

     

    Over the month of November, I spent my days going to school and immediately rushing home to make phone calls. Although my parents were not fluent enough in English to communicate with the bank and real estate agent, I knew that I was not going to allow this obstacle to hinder my dream of helping to purchase a home for my family. Thus, unlike a typical thirteen-year-old girl’s conversations, my phone calls did not involve the mention of makeup, shoes, or boys. Instead, my conversations were composed of terms, such as “fixed-rate mortgages,” “preapprovals,” and “down payments.” Nevertheless, I was determined to help purchase this home after thirteen years of feeling embarrassed from living in a one-bedroom apartment. No longer was I going to experience feelings of humiliation from not being able to host sleepovers with my friends or from not being able to gossip with girls in school about who had the prettiest room color.

     

    I had been homeless for the first thirteen years of my life. Although I will never be able to fully repay my parents for all of their sacrifices, the least I could do was to help find them a home that they could call their own—and that year, I did. To me, a home means more than the general conception of “four walls and a roof.” A home is a place filled with memories and laughter from my family. No matter where my future may lead me, I know that if at times I feel alone, I will always have a yellow home with my family inside waiting for me.

     

     

    专家点评

     

    诚实的、令人心碎、强大的。

     

    这是阅读 Eda 的文章后首先想到的三个词。

     

    我们喜欢 Eda 的文章的地方在于它令人耳目一新的脆弱性。太多的申请文书完美了。Eda 不会审查真相,即使承认她的内心想法可能会给她带来负面的印象。例如,她以她在父母床上哭泣的场景开始整篇文章,并将自己的不幸归咎于他们。通过如此诚实的描述,Eda 展示了她随着时间的推移而真正地成长和成熟。

     

    在整篇文章中,她的个人声音也很强烈。当她谈到爱上“那栋黄色的房子”时,我们脑海中会自动浮现出这栋房子的形象。当她谈到得知“那栋黄色房子”被卖给另一个家庭时所经历的心碎时,我们也感到心痛。她故意选择“播放”她为我们收到的语音邮件并包括她随后的内心想法,这进一步促使我们与她一起重温她的旅程。

     

    然而,她不仅仅是告诉我们她的旅程。她强调了她的旅程是多么不寻常。她没有享受关于化妆品或鞋子的电话交谈,而是与经纪人谈论固定利率抵押贷款和首付……所有这些都是在 13 岁时。虽然她没有明确说明这一点(她不需要这样做):很明显Eda 不得不快速成长,成为一个更强大的人。

     

    她对“家”这个词的理解从她头顶的物理屋顶演变为更抽象的屋顶。家就是她的“回忆和欢笑”所在的地方。最后,她接受了父母做出的牺牲。学会为自己的成长感到自豪展示了 Eda 的成长历程。

     

    Eda 是一个能够克服任何挑战的人,使她成为一名强大的大学申请者。

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